Reverse Culture Shock: Is Home Really Where the Heart Is?

Reverse Culture Shock: Is Home Really Where the Heart Is?
Apr 25, 2011 By Jo Gan , eChinacities.com

Coming to China has made me miss some of the small things from home. I constantly think about all the foods, entertainment, friends and family I have left behind. After living here for two years, I finally decided to go back home to America. I was very excited for weeks thinking about all the things I would do and the people I would see. Although people told me I would feel a sense of reverse culture shock when I got there, I couldn’t believe it. My friends were emailing me telling me that they couldn’t wait to see me and I couldn’t wait to see them.

The day arrived for me to land at the airport and finally be back on familiar ground. With my suitcase packed with gifts for my friends and family, I was on my way.  However, it didn’t seem so familiar anymore. The images that I held in my mind of what home was like were not quite what I was seeing. Things where missing and new things were in its place, the people looked older and I couldn’t help feeling less comfortable. I realized I was feeling the effects of reverse culture shock.

The one amazing thing about being an expat is that your life is interesting; you see and experience new things everyday. You meet people from around the world and your learning never stops. However, when I got back to America I realized that I felt bored. There was nothing interesting to do. I got the impression that people were kind of lazy and spent a lot of time complaining about what was happening in their lives. All my friends had gotten older and were not interested in going out drinking, dancing or hanging out at all. The excitement of arriving lasted for about a week, then everyone basically stopped caring that I was back. They went on with their mundane lives with no more thought of me.

The next thing I noticed was that no one wanted to hear about China. No one cared about my experiences and they were not keen on listening to my stories on what had happened to me in my life abroad. I was beginning to realize that I had changed and they had not. I was beginning to feel like I didn’t belong there anymore.

I have to say, the most obvious thing I noticed was that I was seemingly invisible. I know I always complain about being pointed at and stared at when I walk the streets of the small city where I live in China, but I began to miss everyone shouting hello at me and people asking me where I am from and if I liked China. When I was back in America I was a “nobody” again. I often tell my students here in China that no one cares what you wear or what you do when you are in America – you’re free. My trip back home just confirmed this notion. Nobody really sees you or notices that you are around at all. You just fade into the background noise.

I really was confused during that time I went home. I just wanted to leave and come back here to China. My one month holiday dream had turned into a nightmare. I missed my work, my friends and the locals. I even went to restaurants and ordered hot water to be served with my dishes and I would smile to myself as I sipped. I started talking to strangers in the supermarket trying to share my Chinese experiences with anyone that would listen. 

I noticed that my closest friends and family were lazier than before and they complained too much. The food portions were way too large and too much time was spent doing nothing. When did I become so anti-American? When did I become a totally different person? If this was reverse culture shock, I really didn’t like it.

I missed my old America. I didn’t belong in this new world, yet I didn’t really belong in the Chinese world either. The day I got back on the plane to return to China couldn’t come soon enough. I would have kissed the ground if it hadn’t been so dirty. I smiled to myself when I heard someone speaking loudly on a cell phone while I was waiting for the bus. I was back. I now realize I can never really go home again, at least not to the home I remember. I have come to the conclusion that home is not really a place you hang your hat, but a place where you hang your heart.

Jo Gan, an African-American female expat living in China. Working as a director of foreign teachers and writer, she is married to a local Chinese man. Her hobbies are reading, writing, singing and enjoying life.
 

Related links
The Shock of Reentry: Returning Home for a Visit
Leaving China and the Challenges of Returning "Home"
Culture Shock: Rules and Tools

Warning:The use of any news and articles published on eChinacities.com without written permission from eChinacities.com constitutes copyright infringement, and legal action can be taken.

Keywords: culture shock China returning home from China Reverse culture shock China

6 Comments

All comments are subject to moderation by eChinacities.com staff. Because we wish to encourage healthy and productive dialogue we ask that all comments remain polite, free of profanity or name calling, and relevant to the original post and subsequent discussion. Comments will not be deleted because of the viewpoints they express, only if the mode of expression itself is inappropriate.

ShenzhenGuy

Seems like the author got used to being worshipped with the celeb status of being an expat. It's hard to come down to reality when you're being worshipped as a god in in a far off land.

Aug 30, 2011 21:30 Report Abuse

fritz

ANdy is right, we need to mix with Chinese people. i never mix with foreigners as i live my whole life with them and cant learn from them a thing, acept to complain about China... I love China and not here for meeting foreigners. How boring to hang out with them...

Apr 30, 2011 23:16 Report Abuse

strangeling

Im so happy in China I dont miss my own Country a second the last 5 Years

Im from Germany

Apr 26, 2011 04:36 Report Abuse

BAD

Totally agree with Eric. Jo have you never been on the receiving end of a 'slide show' or a 'when I was in...' spiel. It is obviously boring and nothing new. I would suggest a reality check and would also like to enquire why and how you came to write for this website? You could do with putting in a bit more thought when writing

Apr 26, 2011 11:17 Report Abuse

BAD

@ Jo maybe I was a bit harsh but I did not miss the 'whole point of the article' for me this issue has been flogged so many times that I thought that horse must be long dead.

You are right. I know very little about you but what comes across in your articles is a seemingly whiny self obsessed personality that would probably be great for a personal blog but not so great on this platform.

The fact that you felt it necessary to let me know that you are a woman and a married one implies you have a few issues and might need to get to grips with them. Why should it matter whether you are a "woman...not a man"? Are you implying that your feelings are somehow more vivid and more intense because "you are a woman...not a man"?

Apr 27, 2011 08:18 Report Abuse

ShenzhenGuy

I'm going back to the USA and basically have planned to do all of the above. Great statement.

Aug 30, 2011 21:03 Report Abuse