Are Foreign Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?

Are Foreign Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?
Aug 26, 2014 By eChinacities.com

Editor’s note: This article, translated from sina.com is a direct response to Xinhua’s“Are Chinese Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?”, an opinion piece criticizing the grooming and physical attractiveness of Chinese men in comparison to their female counterparts.

The article ruffled quite a few feathers on publication, and spawned many reactionary posts. This article plays it safe by focusing on the personal experiences of three women who are in relationships with European men and therefore the assessment of the men are expressed as personal opinions as opposed to the rather damning generalizations of the original post.

Many editors have noticed the article: “Are Chinese Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?” that has caused a prolonged discussion. In the article, a handsome European man even said: “I cannot sand it. I have to show these women what a real handsome man is.”

Now these ‘European hotties’ are defending Chinese girls, let’s consider whether a European man is good enough for Chinese women. The editor has invited three Chinese women who are living with European men, so that we can get a real inside look on what it is like.

However, no matter how we make the comparison, to really have a solution to this debate is impossible. Regardless of whether a woman chooses a foreign or a Chinese boyfriend, this is a personal choice, and the person she has chosen is just that; a person. It is absurd to conclude that foreign boyfriends are better than Chinese boyfriends. In fact, no matter where your loved one comes from, you are in love with this person, not with their nationality, right?

Are Foreign Men Good Enough for Chinese Women?
Photo: Cherryblossoms.org

Wang Bang, reporter. English husband, poet: “Our main principle is to respect each other”

Because most of my friends hadn’t associated with Western men before, they thought that Western men were very open, for example that they carried guns, or that they are all players or something. When in fact, people like that are not mainstream. But when you get into a relationship, everyone is equal, and there is freedom. Once you have that one-on-one commitment, everyone is loyal to each other, there is no polygamy, there are no mistresses or home wreckers.

How to deal with English society that is much more open about sex? The way we handle it is by negotiating and compromise. We can go to the sex shop alone, we can watch porn and read erotic novels, but we cannot have sex outside of marriage. If you are invited to an adult party, both sides have to agree on attendance. Regardless of if I do or do not agree, my husband is actually more conservative (laughs), so there is no disagreement. I believe that our marriage is full of care, love and respect for eachother!

Life’s trivialness is hard to avoid, but we always aim for a romantic life. Whenever I get angry, I will punish my husband by making him write a love letter (laughs). Even if we end up having one thousand conflicts, we will talk through them all.

Chinese boyfriends, of course, have advantages that Western men just don’t have. For example, they are senstive and considerate, they carry their girlfriend’s bag, and will always pay the bill. But foreign men also have their advantages, for example they will encourage independent thinking, they dare to talk about love, and are very good communicators.

Abby, Master’s Degree. Dutch boyfriend, Masters Student: “Although the hiccups aren’t few, there are still plenty of great things to laugh about”

We met because I was studying in the Netherlands and rented a house from his friend. We gradually started chatting, watching films, and eventually kissed: it just felt natural to be together. After starting our careers, we really started cohabitating. Our relationship is quite normal, no drama and no fuss, what happens is without any effort.

Cohabitating and marriage are different in China and in the Netherlands. We got registered together, which has the same legal effect in the Netherlands. Regardless, neither sides have agreed to marriage yet, but this is just to help me get a residence permit in the Netherlands. For my relatives in China, I can tell them that I got married so that they will stop bothering me and pushing me into marriage, and I can take things slowly and live my life the Dutch way.

Foreign men are cuter than Chinese men, regardless of how long you have been together as a couple, they show respect, and display gratitude. Especially when two people are together, cuddling and kissing, it is very lovely.

Of course there are a lot of downsides. Firstly, Dutch women are very fierce, so Dutch men have not had to develop the same caring personalities that Chinese men have. Then, there is no concept of health, meat that has been barbequed until it is black can still be eaten, and they think that our health knowledge is trash! Also, he has that sense that Western culture is superior, and often has a stereotyped impression when he discusses China, and doesn’t know how to update this knowledge. But regardless, I don’t know whether that is a cultural difference, or whether he is a Virgo, haha.

Miaomiao, PhD, Portuguese boyfriend, guitarist: they enjoy listening to rock music together, and travelling.

We met 6 years ago at the University library, and it really was a case of love at first sight… and we don’t really feel any cultural differences, because we have so many things in common. We like the same kind of music, and often go to rock concerts together, or to museums We live in different cities, and meet every weekend. Even if there is friction, it does not last long, because our time together is too precious, and quarreling is a waste.

We don’t plan to get married. My parents aren’t really able to accept this, as they are still heavily tied to Chinese culture. Normally the end goal is marriage, but there is also a generational responsibility. Europe, on the contrary, is pretty open. I believe that there is respect for human nature, trying to keep one’s stress levels low, and an earlier start to one’s sex life. But on both sides honesty and communication are most important.

And the difference between Chinese and foreign men? Chinese boys have more patience and attention to detail, Jiangnan boys’ in particular, their housework and cooking involvement is immense. Foreign boys are comparatively more lazy. But foreign boys also respect women’s independence, give them time to themselves. Women can have their own friend circles. And the pressure from the family is not that big, there is nobody forcing anyone to get married, nor as much pressure to start your own family.

Source: sina.com.cn

Warning:The use of any news and articles published on eChinacities.com without written permission from eChinacities.com constitutes copyright infringement, and legal action can be taken.

Keywords: European men Chinese women dating Foreign men Chinese women

25 Comments

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ChinaPro

Depends what she values and wants out of the man.

May 07, 2015 03:35 Report Abuse

Englishuk

simple answer.. YES!!!!!

Sep 13, 2014 17:18 Report Abuse

mdsearth

Let me tell you that most Chinese are compulsive liars and it is extremely difficult to trust them. Women/Girls are trying to be little materialistic princesses on the prowl for wealthy men and men have no manners and most of them behave like idiots. There are very few exceptions. I have had a bad experience with Chinese in and out of China.

Sep 01, 2014 12:33 Report Abuse

Guest2525122

What's up with these articles about men being good enough for Chinese women? Its like they're putting Chinese women on some unattainable pedestal to be worshipped.

Aug 30, 2014 00:56 Report Abuse

rebeccalee93

Based on what I have seen, the question should be are Chinese good enough for westerners, men and women. They still got a loooong way to go. My oberservation has been western men who marry Chinese women cannot get a suitable Western woman back home, and vice versa, and it ends up disasterous.

Aug 29, 2014 09:21 Report Abuse

The-Final-Say

I disagree with your last sentence here. Thats like saying the rich man's French poodle got it on with a mutt who managed to get in the owner's yard from under the fence because the neighor's dogs were too big to fit. Many guys are attracted to Chinese natural beauty and from my personal belief, they age better than women back in their home. Some people like dumplings, some like pizza. Some like red, some like blue. Some like German cars, some like Japanese cars. Some like their home country's girls, and some are attracted to Chinese. Just because you have seen troubled relationships, doesn't mean we should just lump them all together as being the norm. It's not like mixing up zebras with thoroughbred horses or something, we are talking about human beings and different people are attracted to different styles of others. The important thing, I have said this before, is the attitude and willingness by two people to do what is necessary to provide each other with comfort, safety, and happiness. If people are willing to achieve this, we shall not judge them. Everybody's different.

Aug 29, 2014 11:42 Report Abuse

qadirjadoon

thats true ....it doesnt matter where one is from....what matters is what kind of a person is he/she....if they are caring ...then doesnt matter if they are from alaska or hebei....he will be a loving husband and father.. and vice versa

Aug 29, 2014 12:25 Report Abuse

rebeccalee93

BTW I don't know ANY woman, Asian or Western who would go to "adult parties" WTH...v

Aug 29, 2014 06:51 Report Abuse

rebeccalee93

This arcticle is such BS. "For example, Chinese men always pay for dinners" He would look at the bill and show me exactly how much I owe--50/50. He assumed since I was western, its the way we do it. I saw it as him being a cheap A**. I dumped him and wish him the best.

Aug 29, 2014 06:47 Report Abuse

ironman510

This isn't worth reading

Aug 28, 2014 14:22 Report Abuse

Finbar

The whole premise of this article is a load of shit, as it seems to assume both Chinese and foreign men all share their own respective personalities. Chinese men all behave in a certain way, and foreign men all behave in a certain way. That's basically the impression I got from this article. Not only does it bunch up all foreigners (be they American, African, European, Asian or whatever, not to mention all the individual countries), but it assumes that one must be better than the other. I have a few Chinese friends who are completely devoted to their wives. As far as I can tell they'll go to any length to keep their girl happy and try to do/act as they're expected to. The same goes for some foreigners. Likewise, I've met some Chinese and foreign men who fuck around, treat their girlfriend like shit and don't really amount to much as far as work/family life goes. The question posed in the article's title could be answered in one simple sentence: Each individual is different and every country has its more and lesser suitable men (and women). The fact that this article, and many similar articles on various subjects, assume that within a group or nation everyone thinks and acts the same just shows how much Chinese (or at least Chinese 'journalists') have yet to learn about individuality and critical thinking.

Aug 28, 2014 14:17 Report Abuse

The-Final-Say

I have heard the propaganda locals use to go against foreigners such as "divorce is high in the west" or "they just come here to play, then go". In fact I get really pissed when people badmouth foreign men as all being playboys. I always reply to those jerks by saying things like "what do men do in KTVs and Massagie places" or "My former boss in South China had a wife and 5 mistresses and they all lived with each other in the same home and were absolutely cool with it because of the fact that the man was filthy rich and were such a man caught doing this in the west, he'd go to prison". But seriously now, I know some good Chinese guys who have it hard due to the cost of buying an apartment per square meter is 4-5times their monthly salary and the waiting list just to study to drive a car is too long without "guanxi" they don't have do to their financial situation. They are good men and very lonely and deserve better but cannot due to their counterparts parents greed, must have house and/or car before marriage or not worth their daughter. Meanwhile thugs, businessmen, and people in power positions can marry a woman and get a kid and keep a trophy girl or 5-6 in a different flat and just turn on the red lantern whenever they feel like going to such flat for a booty call. Does this mean expats can't do this? They can but its heavily frowned upon and furthermore most guys will not do this. In addition, for every foreign man in China experiencing his full sexual potential, there is a green card leech or gold digger who is willing to accept rewards for giving it up a little bit. But for every gold digger and green card leech out there, I have known many good Chinese girls who have found a nice western guy, patient and romantic, and they have good lives together. I will say that guys should understand something about Chinese culture before getting serious with a girl here because it is not 50-50 here even we want it to be, as guys are supposed to be gentlemen as we were raised back at home. Good girls will understand that their western man is somewhat different than Chinese men but when there are disagreements, perfectly normal in any relationship, guys will do more because even at home we are brought up to be gentlemen and this is expected here especially. I believe that for this reason, with a little patience and understanding, that the answer is "yes" foreign men are good enough for the Chinese women.

Aug 27, 2014 13:27 Report Abuse

Guest859906

there should be another article..."are chinese women goodenough for ANY man???"...alot of them are nice....but the rest are just bank draining, blood sucking cock blocking vampires...they are nice until ur married,...and thats when the vampire teeth come out...she wants a $5000 bag, but wouldnt be nice enough to cook her man something...cuz that hurts their individuality....but us guys workingour ass off to get them Jimmy Choos and what not is completely fair.....screwthe feminist bitches who talk about womens rights when they are too busy in social mixers and their own children have cats as best friends.....real life experience....20th century was a great time...when men were men, knew their job and so did the women....now its all crap mixed up...man's job...make money, give shelter and protection to family...womans job, make that shelter a home..provide care and nurture...if the bag is heavy, leave it at home bitch...and to the guys...behave like men not faggots...instead of running after 20 women like dogs love one woman with all your heart, work hard and put food on the table instead of thinking howto share expenses....

Aug 27, 2014 05:08 Report Abuse

ImVenus

wow, the comments here are more funny than the article.hmmmm

Aug 26, 2014 14:14 Report Abuse

DrMonkey

Watching porn with the wife, WHAT ?!! Rather than asking just 3 peoples, they could go on a forum of Chinese living in Europe, with a lot women married with an European http://bbs.xineurope.com/forum.php

Aug 26, 2014 12:11 Report Abuse

LesterF

The article takes 3 random examples and doesn't even come close to answering the question in the title.... I mean, what's the point?

Aug 26, 2014 10:06 Report Abuse

coineineagh

since when are Chinese boyfriends caring sensitive and considerate? half of them are involved in repeated domestic violence. they are the products of poor education; they objectify everyone, have no concept of equality, only hierarchies; are preoccupied with "face". they only DISPLAY kindness because it is socially expected of them, and they dont want to lose face. oh, and they'll bribe a pretty womanwith gifts, especially if thats what the woman wants. stop asking the overdone question "are chinese/foreign men good enough for chinese women?" We really should be asking if chinese women are good enough for anyone.

Aug 26, 2014 09:08 Report Abuse

Stiggs

That sensitive and considerate comment amazed me too. Driving, smoking, queuing and elevator etiquette all point to men here not being exactly outstanding in the sensitive and considerate fields.

Aug 26, 2014 20:11 Report Abuse

wagon

It just means they carry the woman's purse.

Aug 27, 2014 09:58 Report Abuse

Nessquick

Huge research, great facts, oh my ...

Aug 26, 2014 08:55 Report Abuse

qadirjadoon

Actually when the girls are highly educated, they themselves also prefer someone highly educated. which in well settled or financially sound families, men are not very highly educated. plus these rich boys also lack manners and discipline, so these girls turn towards an educated chinese or foreigner who shares the same intellect with them. secondly since progress and future is human nature, these girls are intelligent, and want a "different" and multi cultural future for their children, unlike the scared to interact past they themselves had, which is not wrong actually, its quite practical. on the other hand chinese men get pissed off when they see a foreigner and a chinese girl, and pass on bad comments, where as they dont understand that this is the very reason she is not with the chinese guy, they have daddy money, play around, go to a rmb3000 work and come back play video games, and arent serious about life, future and progress. and there is nothing wrong wth a girl who is trying to secure a financially sound, international and educated future for her future children, its the nature of being a woman and a mother.

Aug 26, 2014 12:13 Report Abuse

qadirjadoon

there is nothing wrong in a woman wanting a successful man...its practical...why would one be with a guy who cant provide for a future.....we always want a hot woman who would listen to us and is good in bed...

Aug 29, 2014 12:18 Report Abuse

Samsara

Wang Bang: Best name ever.

Aug 26, 2014 00:31 Report Abuse

bill8899

Sounds like the name of a Ted Nugent song.

Aug 26, 2014 01:01 Report Abuse