China's Spoilt Generation

China's Spoilt Generation
Erichu Nov 03, 2013 13:33

Last week’s hot Weibo posting about the mother-in-law who sent a 4 million RMB Bentley car to her son –in-law as a wedding present, caused quite a lot of debate in China. Reportedly, the bridegroom kneeled to her immediately and promised that he will never disappoint the women’s daughter. Interestingly, after having said this, the bridegroom’s friend shouted to his parents:”Why was I born without 1 million RMB?”

 

Too reliant on parents?

 

This is a typical example of what the Chinese today call the拼爹 or “pindie” era. “Pindie” literally means depend on one’s father in Chinese.This era is characterized by receiving money from parents, and often without working for it. We see extreme examples in Chinese media on an almost weekly basis from “ Li Gang is my father” to the recent “Li Tianyi scandal”. All examples of where children have become all too reliant on their parent’s relationships or wealth.

 

Bowing to their parents

 

Interestingly, by receiving the present and kneeling to his mother-in-law, the bridegroom in China,has completely yielded to his wife’s family. Furthermore, in Chinese tradition, a man cannot kneel to others easily, at least in this case. Thus he seems to not only kneel to his mother-in-law, but also kneels to her money. For the bridegroom, he found a family who he can rely on now.

 

Let them achieve your dreams

 

Because of this phenomena or this era, young people are having difficulties motivating themselves to fight for their dreams, but want to receive it freely from others. This is a tragedy for myself and others of the “90’s generation”! We all seem to notice this is a very serious problem, however not so many of us are overly concern about it.

 

Who’s to blame?

 

Should youth take all responsibility for this phenomenon? Definitely not, according to Social Worker Tong Xiaojun, “parents love children in an unconsciously wrong way, and so they spoil them and overprotect them.” She also believes that, “since the family is where people start their life journey and parents are children's first role models.”.So it seems that parents have a responsibility to reassess if their parenting techniques are effective or not for their child.

 

However with these values deeply in the minds of Chinese parents and the unlikelihood of China becoming less competitive in the future. It seems that this type of parenting will not be changing in the near future.

 

Tags:Lifestyle

17 Comments

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expatlife26

My parents both big star trek fans growing up...i brought it up because it kind of has that philosophy of a world past wealth accumulation where sciences are held in higher regard you are talking about. We can appreciate that value of such a world, but it's not the world we live in. I had to choose between going into science or finance and to some degree I recognize the banality of what I do. I'm not changing the world. But I also can (and do) spend a lot of time reading books and staying up on the latest science because it is so fascinating to me. My job doesn't define me; my interests do. But for those of us not born independently wealthy, we're stuck working for a living. Might as well do something that pays well. Money doesn't buy happiness but it does prevent hassles. For americans we can't bring back foreign wives without a certain $ amount or income level (to prevent lonely guys from bringing back wives to go on welfare). Are you in that situation?

Dec 04, 2013 16:58 Report Abuse

coineineagh

Well, that situation is hardly a fair representation, because she intends to work, and the only 'welfare' we'd be making use of is the educational system, health insurance and perhaps child benefits. One person's parasitism is another person's taking-part-in-society, and the income requirement is quite arbitrary and unfair. She could even be a housewife, since I'd be earning enough salary for the family. I can't imagine regular immigrants go on welfare en masse like the media portrays, but if you believe otherwise, let's not discuss that. Media-coloured western world views require that I must defend why I want to live in Europe with my wife, but I honestly don't miss those kind of discussions at all. At least there is a possibility of living in Europe without the crippling discouragement policies - by living in another country first. If I live 6 months in a different EU country, it makes me a full European resident, and my own government has very little to say about us any longer. We can live in the country without hassle, but must be careful what we say to increasingly xenophobic locals (yeah, China could learn from them when it comes to intolerance).

Dec 04, 2013 17:15 Report Abuse

expatlife26

Didn't mean to imply that was what you specifically were doing, poor choice of words on my part. Sorry. Just wondering if you were being affected by the laws created to prevent that situation.

Dec 06, 2013 12:18 Report Abuse

coineineagh

I know you meant no offense, but it's a sensitive topic because yes I'm being affected by anti-immigration laws. Usually I get criticism from smallminded nationals who talk like my wife and I are the ones who wish to do harm to them by simply moving to another country. You can imagine how it feels to be a victim of politically safe policies hurting immigrants, in order to gratify and distract the locals from relevant issues, and being regarded as the wrongdoer to boot.

Dec 06, 2013 15:08 Report Abuse

expatlife26

I know the US isn't perfect, but honest-to-god it's the closest place in the world to a meritocracy there is. China has social mobility but it's been more of a lottery-winner type deal where people have gotten access to investment capital through land buyouts over the past 25 years or so.

Nov 25, 2013 13:00 Report Abuse

Erichu

I agree that the US has a much better living environment than China and that’s the reason many Chinese prefer to migrate to the USA then to stay. However China's middle class is becoming more powerful and influential, but not all Chinese middle class were made wealthy by land sales.Mostly they have their work, their businesses and investments and without generally any government help. But of course, if you desire to be amongst the rich, social relationships will determine ultimately your social mobility. So on this point, you are correct.

Nov 30, 2013 15:15 Report Abuse

coineineagh

expatlife, you're wrong. I don't even know what meritocracy is supposed to mean: Do bankers deserve to be rewarded for leting their capital gain interest? Is that a social contribution that you consider meritable? Social mobility (look it up) is the lowest of the world in USA, and China is catching up rapidly. Everyone with money is just lazily buying houses and gold in China, and the hard-working people who keep things running are barely subsisting. The ideals of the American dream are preached widely, but intelligence, effort or skill in the USA is not rewarded either; socio-economic background is all that matters. Even democracy is a joke in the USA, with only 2 very similar parties (not exactly spoilt for choice) using populism to gain votes and promote the interests of the rich and big business. The Chinese are promoting similarly hollow words with their Chinese Dream speeches, but in reality they just want profit and stability for the super rich. Many European countries have slightly more social mobility, because a multi-party democratic system has resulted in social democracies.

Dec 01, 2013 16:25 Report Abuse

expatlife26

Coineiheagh, a meritocracy is where the most talented (those with the most merit, hence meritocracy) are able to get ahead. I agree with you that the US isn't perfect, but it's still a place where promotions are more likely to be based on talent than family. Skill, effort and smarts are ABSOLUTELY valued and rewarded, they just need to be channeled properly. No one is going to get a check for passively having a High IQ and giving lots of generic effort (effort into what? going to the gym? that takes effort but no one pays you for it), but if you use your intelligence to develop a skill which is in-demand and put forth lots of effort into demonstrating that skill you can get paid well for it! My parents happen to both be relatively successful corporate professionals and I personally am an analyst at a bank in Shanghai. My family background did NOT get me that job. I did. My family background set the bar, but I cleared it on my own talent and ambition. The reality is that owning a bank is very profitable. I'm never going to own a bank, but anyone could have looked up the highest average salaries by field and found finance, engineering, law and medicine at the top. My finance degree cost EXACTLY THE SAME as a liberal arts degree. In the grand scheme of things, yes a great nurse does something much more valuable than what I do on a human level. BUT, the skills needed to become a really good nurse are more common. The market rate for someone who can understand the calculus behind financial models or work out structural load capacity is higher because fewer people can do it. Is that fair? Maybe not. But it's reality. You can complain your way to mediocrity or you can work out how you can get ahead. For the record though, I admire the better social safety net in Europe, especially the Nordic states. I'm no supply-side Republican, I just want to do the best I can given the reality of the world.

Dec 02, 2013 10:06 Report Abuse

coineineagh

expatlife, your appraisal of your own situation may or may not be objective. You did give an explanation of how your family helped you out through knowledge rather than finances. For the sake of argument, is this knowledge something you can consider your own, or could it be yet another advantage passed down through family? I wonder if a student in your field of expertise would have been as successful as you without knowledgeable family to clear the path? Does it mean that that student is a less competent analyst than you? Because if you ended up in a better job than an unconnected student, I'd say it wasn't through merit alone. It's amazing that there is so little use for experts in the natural world around us, while there's a whole services industry dedicated to profit margins, which kinda shows us how warped our realities have become. Please don't see it as a personal attack; I just want to call attention to the many perspectives people have, and the multitude of possible interpretations. I studied Evolutinary Biology meyself, and with no family connections and lousy networking skills, it was clear that I wouldn't be one of the lucky few biologists that actually gets to work in a related job. Since my parents never studied, nobody warned me of the uselessness of my chosen study. Back to the bigger picture: Money supercedes law in the USA, as you'll admit that banks and big companies can openly get away with a lot of tricks and exploits, and face little or no punishment from a submissive supreme court. That's not a meritocracy. I'd call it corporatocracy, or moneyocracy. In closing: It seems that the USA doesn't actually have the lowest social mobility in the world anymore. But there definitely is a culture where the super rich are pampered, and there are opulent, excessively wasteful luxury products designed purely for them to flash their wealthy, lazy lifestyles. It worries me to think: Do attitudes in China towards wealth represent the past, or the future..?

Dec 04, 2013 15:46 Report Abuse

expatlife26

No, not an attack at all and thanks for promoting a good discussion! Very good questions and I'll do my best to be as frank as possible to really answer them. I think that coming from a professional family helped me more by showing me how upper-middle class people act than anything else. My dad works in FMCG and my mom in IT, so neither of them had anything specific to teach me about what I currently do, but I absolutely concede that when you see your dad put on a suit every morning, it makes the transition into the corporate life a little smoother. It also meant I wasn't as intimidated by successful people (who could potentially help me) as I might have been otherwise. It's easier to approach executives...when you've been around executives growing up. I wouldn't say my background actually helps me do my job responsibilities at all nor did my family have any useful connections for me, but it helps that I heard both my parents talk about corporate life all the time growing up so I know how to make sure I get noticed and people in the company like me. So you're definitely right in that sense, I can't fully take credit. My dad's also a science-inclined renaissance man in a lot of ways so I was always encouraged to read a lot of science books as a kid. Evolutionary biology is absolutely fascinating and i'm sorry you haven't had any luck getting a job in that field. I actually just posted a blog about this topic, basically income, salary etc. isn't fair, but it is rational. You can only make a lot of money if you do something that is very profitable. Yes, a public school teacher should earn more than they do, but where is that money going to come from? People in finance are able to get big salaries and bonuses because it's an extremely profitable business. Is that fair that their isn't any profit to be had in most natural sciences (beyond the pharma industry)? Absolutely not. But this isn't Star Trek The Next Generation. Patrick Stewart is not walking through that door. For now, we can all just try and do the best we can with the opportunities that exist for us. Don't give up on finding opportunities in your field either. You're a young guy too, get back home. Maybe those opportunities are hard to come by in Holland, but they don't exist at all for you in China.

Dec 04, 2013 16:23 Report Abuse

coineineagh

Hey, Star Trek TNG is one of the series I watch every day (three cheers for torrents and external harddisks). It helps keep me sane/insane. I wouldn't have come to China if immigration just let my wife into Holland. And I wouldn't stay if there was a way for me to live somewhere else with my young son. But I'm stuck here until my in-laws decide to sell the house they've been putting money into. At least they acknowledge the importance of a foreign education, and will do it for my son's benefit when the time is right. Not that I wouldn't live in China for my son in the future; lots of 'miseducated' people to exploit, and the wealthy here have money to waste. It's so fashion!

Dec 04, 2013 16:41 Report Abuse

DrMonkey

Recognizing the problem is the most important step to address it :) Not sure about your conclusion, however. China not being less competitive in the future, not so sure about it. If pollution issues are addressed, if work wages keep rising, if products quality keep improving, products cost might also increases to. Post-1945 Japan and South Korea are good examples of it. They started with cheap export, which became not so cheap.

Nov 05, 2013 14:01 Report Abuse

coineineagh

China is more than just its GDP, and I agree with the blog that there's a disturbing trend of nepotism and over-reliance on family. I feel China is moving towards the USA, the country with the lowest social mobility in the world. If you're born rich, no matter how cleverly or stupidly you lead your life, it's very difficult to become poor, and poor people have very little chance of becoming rich no matter what they do. Arranged marriages and dowries do little to improve this trend. Even education becomes pointless when the family is guaranteed the diploma they payed for regardless of a student's ability. Paradoxically, people's lives would improve if they took life less seriously: Instead of fearfully clinging to family ties, they should be adventurous, take a risk now and then. Shake things up, try something new, and astonishing progress would be made. But you have to understand that any change can only be detrimental to the profitable balance that the rich and powerful in any country have established. That why it's better for them to actively breed cowardice and conformity in people.

Nov 22, 2013 15:54 Report Abuse

DrMonkey

Social mobility in China is *already* very low. Most blue collars kids can at best except go to a vocational school (ie. lower to middle tiers bachelor degrees, which are a de-facto vocational schools). They won't far much better than their parents. Education in China is *already* pointless. The gaokao only asses your capacity to pass an exam that mean something only in China. University grades are completely artificial save for 2 or 3 universities. I agree that more courage would help, and that the education in China tends to make people insecure. However, I think it's more incompetence, laziness than actual evil behind it.

Nov 22, 2013 16:46 Report Abuse

coineineagh

Oh, absolutely. I don't think Chinese are 'evil' - the term is only realistic in religions and roleplaying scenarios. But in real life, if you only feel confident enough to take care of yourself and your family, the apathy displayed towards the rest of society is what can be perceived as evil. And the Chinese are pursuing bourgeois mediocrity vigorously, with the USA as their mentors. It requires bravery to defend morality, but even the richest Chinese cling to their families fearfully. My own boss at the training school founded it at the advice of (and with money from) his mommy. It's ironic how Chinese accuse westerners of 'imperialist' thinking, while it's the norm around here as well.

Nov 22, 2013 17:40 Report Abuse

Erichu

If you are talking about China’s competitive position in the world, then those factors you mentioned will definitely improve in the future. But my point was; Due to population pressure, limited resources, shared cultural values (nearly every Chinese parent dreams their child will go to Harvard). According to most Chinese thinking it’s unlikely our society will become any less competitive in the near future.

Nov 30, 2013 15:28 Report Abuse

coineineagh

Competitive seems like the wrong word to me. It doesn't address the origins of the problems at all. Everyone around the world is competitive, but it's the Chinese fear and singlemindedness that results in them being unable to obtain the happiness, success or social gratification that they seek. Chinese are too sensitive of group opinions and too fearful of taking risks, so they are easy to control by the people at the top. Mianzi will keep them on a very predictable path, from which only the 'stupid' deviate.

Dec 01, 2013 13:11 Report Abuse