With the tremendous social pressure to get married and have a child, it's no surprise that relationships in China are a big business. Online Chinese matchmaking services abound and are wildly popular, while in the real world it's quite common for flocks of anxious parents to flood city parks in hopes of finding the perfect match for their son or daughter. Constantly feeling the stress of older generations nagging them to find a wife or husband and help the family prosper, marriage-aged men and women are increasingly taking extraordinary measures to find a suitable spouse. Below are six stories illustrating the lengths aging Chinese singles are willing to go to in order to find a partner.
1) The Golden Bachelors (and Bachelorettes)
At the extreme end of dating services, there are the billionaire-only matchmakers over at the Golden Bachelor Agency (www.zuanshi.com). It's no secret that to be desirable in China a man must be pretty well off financially, but the young ladies attending these very expensive galas demand only the very best. At one secretive matchmaking event in Beijing in 2009, 21 Chinese billionaires (who improbably have difficulty in finding a date?) were presented with a pool of 22 “ideal” single ladies chosen specifically by the event organizers. At another such event in Guangzhou in 2012, 11 bigwigs chose from a pool of 320 pre-selected women; one of the businessmen even offered a 50,000 RMB reward for finding the perfect virgin girlfriend. But rich men aren't the only ones who are highly sought after. There are plenty of wealthy golden bachelorettes out there looking for a husband too—look no further than 51taonan.com, a dating site exclusively servicing female millionaires looking for love. So, if teaching English doesn't end up working out...
2) Appearance consultants
While the “Golden” events may be the apex of gold digging in China, you can't say that these women didn't put the work in for it. “Appearance consultants”—people who specialize in teaching women the finer points of being a good wife—have been in great demand in recent years. Among other things, these consultants hold pseudo-beauty pageants and conduct in-depth interviews to find the perfect women to meet potential suitors (see above). According to a 2011 Forbes report, even foreign women have started looking to well-off Chinese husbands or fu er dai in search of a better life. While this may seem like an unnecessary expense, learning how to become a more desirable wife with the help of an appearance consultant may be a better idea than simply relying on plastic surgery: in late 2012, a Chinese man sued his wife after she gave birth to an incredibly ugly baby and he discovered that she'd spent more than 600,000 RMB on plastic surgery to find a husband. And that's not the craziest part—in the end, the judge agreed with the man about the wife's deception and awarded him 750,000 RMB in damages.
3) Poster boys
Women aren't the only ones who are having trouble finding marital bliss. With all the demands (house, car, a good job etc.) that come with a majority of contemporary Chinese marriages, many young men have taken extraordinary measures to set themselves apart from the herd. Well what better way to set yourself apart than with a prominently displayed billboard in downtown Beijing?
According to an article in the Telegraph, in August 2012 three bachelor friends claiming that their busy work schedules left them with no time for the typical courtship process, put themselves on a billboard to advertise their extreme level of availability, at the bargain price of 50,000 RMB each per month. Desperation or simply showing off?
4) No luck back home, bachelors are looking abroad
The prominent gender gap in China has led to some particularly skewed dating pools around the country. Perhaps the most extreme example is Banzhushan Village, located in Hunan Province. In this small village of 300, there are no single women available for the dozens of eligible bachelors. Consequently, they've had no choice but to redirect their spousal search outside the vicinity. Sure, this is only one small village, but it acts as a microcosm for China as a whole. According to a 2010 report by China Daily, facing increasingly tense competition back home, more and more Chinese men are looking overseas for their perfect bride. Additionally, these men cite the fact that foreign women tend to be more straightforward and less focused on traditional roles in the household. Despite the difficulties that come with cross-cultural dating, the practice is becoming increasingly popular throughout China.
5) Internet and television
And of course, many of these above-mentioned social trends are reflected or, perhaps, magnified in Chinese popular culture. The textbook example (back before it was “softened” anyway) was the immensely popular dating show, Fei Cheng Wu Rao (If you are the One). To many, Beijing model Ma Nuo's infamous words on the show, “I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh on the back of a bicycle", epitomize the problems in China's modern dating world. But one is not limited to television to find innovative ways of cashing in/getting married. The Internet's perennial favorite pseudo-celebrity Gan Lulu initially became famous in 2011 because her mother filmed her naked in the shower and posted it online in hopes of snagging a boyfriend. And there are countless other (slightly) less dramatic calls for a husband or a wife scattered throughout Chinese social media platforms—one of the most entertaining stories from 2012 was of a female graduate student named Lin Yu who posted an ad for marriage on social networking site Renren, complete with a 15 critical requirements and a strict grading system based on those requirements. According to her post, she'd marry whoever scored highest on the test. Sounds terribly romantic.
6) Mistresses and toy boys
Finally, it must be noted that being a mistress to a wealthy suitor is becoming much more acceptable in Chinese culture. Shenzhen has its mistress villages. And, somewhat amazingly, there's now even an online support group for mistresses in China (www.xeixe.com). In the interest of fairness, the website also features suggestions for young men who are looking to be a wealthy widow's perfect xiao bai lian (toy boy).
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Keywords: marriage pressure in China finding Chinese spouse modern matchmaking in China
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I wonder is this any different from other countries? Apart from the push by parents to marry their sons and daughters off it seems this romance game is played out all over the world. In Western countries parents tend to keep their noses out of their children's personal lives. Online courting is pretty popular worldwide now so it's an acceptable way of finding a partner. When I asked this question though of my adult classes the majority would not think of doing it. But who knows what they do secretly? What I don't understand is even with all this romance in the air there is still an unbelievable divorce rate of about 3000 couples a day in China! 12 million divorces a year!!?? Is the problem therefore in the courting process? Is the problem in the materialistic manner in which the girls qualify the prospective husband? Is the problem in the lack of sexual experience? Who knows but that's an opportunity for another survey. Seems to be a lot of truth in the old adage that: Love makes the world go 'round!! It certainly keeps the cash registers of the matchmaking companies busy!
Jan 17, 2013 17:30 Report Abuse
The problem lays in the lack of values, rock-solid values, hence moral ones, that gives a healthy horizon of the future and will to pursue it. That it affects the way of reaching your goals in life. Such values would open the path to knowledge and understanding and so to wealth and strong relationships. Anything that is based only on materialistic and outside good looking criteria it brings to disappointment and bitterness. Love goes before anything, understanding and knowledge accompany love as the best friends ever. As the multimillionaire matchmaking it's only a business and like any business, it pursues the money, it is quite clear what people are being put together. As long as there is money in the middle, they will stick together, but I dare to say, unhappy. At the multimillionares event where very few women have the chance to be chosen it sends a message of arrogance that they (the rich men)deserve the best because they have the money. In the normal life, people learn to understand themselves and be thankful with what they get. Many don't have this much money but their focus on love is healthier than those wealthy people who buy the love and puts nothing in the middle but money. While they do this as a token of power and arrogance, the average people, the plebeya put the best of their heart and mind and together learn, day by day to give eachothers the best as a token of love.
Jan 17, 2013 18:33 Report Abuse
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