New Year’s Reflections: Coming to Terms with “Shocking” China Moments

New Year’s Reflections: Coming to Terms with “Shocking” China Moments
Jan 01, 2013 By Kate Williams , eChinacities.com

As we welcome the New Year, we often find ourselves in a time of reflection; a time of looking back on the year gone by. For our collective group of expat readers, the past year in China may have been a life-changing one, an ordinary one, or maybe even a miserable one. No matter good or bad, our experiences in China (and in life) teach us and shape us. Allow me to share a few personal incidents in China that have changed or enlightened me in some way. Keep in mind, what once came as shocking to me might be old hat to another. I hope that after reading this article, you will feel compelled to share some of your experiences as well. Let’s grasp this opportunity to take a trip down memory lane and recall the situations that have shocked us, scared us or made us laugh hysterically.

 

1) Sidewalks and Crowds
Sidewalks in China are not only for pedestrians. I learned this the hard way one hot summer day while helping a friend move. To make a long story short, the situation started with a perfectly functioning guitar and a minivan and ended in a broken guitar and crowd of Chinese people. I killed two birds with one stone that day. I learned that sidewalks are, much to my surprise, roads as well, and also that whenever something happens in public, Chinese people love to crowd around, curious to see what’s going on. While my friend was arguing with the minivan driver, I just stood there embarrassed and confused. I even spouted off some broken Chinese about how sidewalks are for pedestrians. As you can imagine, it got us nowhere. So how did I deal? I just walked away; rice cooker in one hand, broken guitar in the other. In some situations, that’s about all you can do. Just walk away.

2) Inquisitive Taxi Drivers
If you have found no other reason to learn Chinese, conversations with taxi drivers should be the one. They fire off questions with overwhelming disregard for social tact like there’s no tomorrow, and it’s kind of great. What’s your salary? Where are you from? Why do you live in China? Do you like Obama? I’ll never forget the driver who was obsessed with the Statue of Liberty, he loved her. He even told me that he wanted to find an American wife to carry off into the sunset where they would live happily ever after. And then there are the gurus, the ones who know your life better than even you do. They offer personal advice and counseling. Tell you to move back to your home country, where life is better and people are fatter and happier. They tell you the optimal time to marry and what your children will look like. Although their directness caught me off-guard at first, I now wholly believe that it’s worth taking a break from your cell phone during a taxi ride and getting to know your driver. After a pleasant conversation, I always leave the car with a spark in my step. I love taxi drivers. They remind me of my dad, and that’s never a bad thing.

3) Love and China
“You’re going to fall in love”. This is the response I heard from so many of my friends upon telling them my decision to move to China. Of course I didn’t believe them...at first. Three years and a thriving relationship later, I find myself wondering if they had some inside information. Which brings me to my point; dating in China. I found it shocking that many relationships start with making things “official” and then progress to really getting to know each other. I’ll never forget the day my current boyfriend asked me forthright, “will you be my girlfriend?” It was like a flashback to junior high. It felt very pubescent, but my adventure-loving spirit said why not! Later, after noticing that several female Chinese friends would one day be single and the next day be in a full-on, head-over-heels romance, I realized that this is kind of the way things go here. In retrospect, it’s actually quite nice. It takes the uncertainty out of the dating situation; the “are we exclusive?” uncertainty. I know many friends who have found themselves in this brain-racking situation trying to figure out where a relationship stands but afraid to broach the subject with their counterpart. Why not do it the Chinese way and make it official from day one? Albeit slightly juvenile, it’s an interesting spin and you never know where it might get you. I don’t regret it.

4) The Essential Exterior
A female Chinese friend once told me that I had it all. Not understanding what she meant, she went on to explain the following Chinese theory. The ideal girl will be bai fu mei (白富美), meaning white-skinned, rich and beautiful. The ideal man will be gao fu shuai (高富帅), meaning tall, rich and handsome. These are the criteria against which potential lovers are judged. It was quite shocking that someone who doesn’t really know me that well (inside) would make such a colossal claim about my value. Although to her, she was giving me a compliment, to me, it was kind of sad. Sad that potential companions are assessed based on their outer characteristics and material possessions. This topic has been beat to death, but I feel that there is something I’ve learned from this obsession with what’s on the outside. It’s actually helped me to become less obsessed with what other people see and more obsessed with who I really want to be. I’ve grown to be more comfortable in my own skin, more so than before. By the way, how does it work when both the guys and the girls are seeking a rich lover?

5) Ignorance is Bliss
I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I feel as though some Chinese people view the world as two countries, one being China and the other being the rest of the world. Coming from a country where people are notoriously stereotyped as ignorant, I don’t feel so bad here. Whether it’s my Chinese teacher speaking to a classroom full of students from around the globe, referring to English as “our” language and such and such day as “our” holiday or at my job telling my boss why we shouldn’t send a Happy Thanksgiving e-mail to our global customer base. Then there are the people who watch foreign films or TV series and assume that this is how the rest of the world lives. May we be reminded, films and dramas are produced for entertainment purposes and aren’t always an accurate portrayal of real life. It’s interesting the way people think here. And yes, I realize that my writing an article chock full of sweeping claims about China is a sort of ignorance in itself; but I’m just sharing my experiences.

That being said, my experiences are just that – my experiences. What I’ve written is neither definitive of Chinese culture nor of the situations faced by expats on a daily basis. This article will only get better with the addition of your stories in the comments section below. So in the spirit of the New Year, let’s think back to the past year (or month or day) in China. What have you found shocking? What have you learned to come to terms with? What unique circumstances have you found yourself faced with while in China?

Warning:The use of any news and articles published on eChinacities.com without written permission from eChinacities.com constitutes copyright infringement, and legal action can be taken.

Keywords: China shocking moments China New Year’s reflections expat experiences in China

9 Comments

All comments are subject to moderation by eChinacities.com staff. Because we wish to encourage healthy and productive dialogue we ask that all comments remain polite, free of profanity or name calling, and relevant to the original post and subsequent discussion. Comments will not be deleted because of the viewpoints they express, only if the mode of expression itself is inappropriate.

lightend

I had a horrible time in a hospital. Over prescription of drugs and very expensive anti inflammatorys via IV drip that wasnt needed at all (a simple pill would have been as effective if not more so) and to top it off when somoene researched things on the internet for me and came to see me, as soon as the doctor noticed i was being informed of money i had already wasted and money they wanted me to waste with an operation (again unneeded) they split us up so i couldnt get the info. (i did use my phone and googled what was wrong with me and what treatment was needed, only to find that a western dr advises r&r for a week and it will clear up on its own) so I spent over 2,800rmb for nothing but got the heads up before having to hand over a further 6,000rmb. First bad experience in a hospital and enough to put me off going any any hospitals but the number 1's in the city. roll on 2013/ I hope you all keep your health and have great success in the coming year.

Jan 01, 2013 22:30 Report Abuse

BHGAL

Re: Ignorance is Bliss No it is not just you, it is me too, so there are at least two of us that believe in the two country phenom. My wife and her family seem to believe that China is great but the English speaking world out there, somewhere, is greater. Other language countries simply don’t matter and are beneath even consideration. (Thais are transgender, Fillipinos all have machine guns, Blacks are Africans and are low-lifes, middle east doesn’t even exist, and white English speaking folks are all rich.) American love story and comedy films show the real world and how blissful it is. I come from a place, and a life, that has lived extravagantly for many years and I see an end to that extravagance coming. I see a life where family values, hard work and common sense, not unlike that which exists elsewhere and still does in much of China, to be the most rewarding. I have taken my wife and family to see the extravagance of my former life…… Cirque du Soleil (Macau), basketball in the grand, Guangzhou International Sports Performing Arts Center, and to a fine 5 star Hot Springs Hotel. She simply was not impressed and deplored the expenses that China, and I, was wasting on such ridiculous events/things. This could be hypocrisy, but I prefer to believe , having a grand dream of an extravagant life is one thing, seeing it and living it is certainly another. The grass is not always greener on the other side. IGNORANCE IS BLISS Pensions and health care, freedom of movement and freedom of speech are certainly great things. All of which are costly and certainly under attack in the “western” world. “They” are broke (not just the US; the western world) and it will be the little guy, that enjoyed the extravagance while it lasted, that feels the pain the most. Here in China, I’d like to say,” You can’t get blood from a stone” and those of us that are willing to live a simple life, will be the most rewarded. Also that, in China, improvements in health care and the above mentioned freedoms is being made ever so carefully and slowly, while in the west, they are crumbling. Personally I am quite comfortable, with a minimum, and the potential for growth, rather than being on the top of a crumbling house of cards. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

Jan 01, 2013 19:10 Report Abuse

mcelwee

For the most part I like China. I arrived here June 2, 2012 from USA ready to make China my home but going through the last Christmas alone only with my girlfriend (which is not bad by the way) but no friends, no family and if you have a spat with your sugnicant other, it can be a bit lonely. In America I had a lots of friends always going somewhere together and having drinks. Well when you get committed the only relationships now are with family. While this family is great, I long for a little bit more excitement. Am I pussing this relationship too fast. I am 59 and my girlfriend is 40 and what english she knows came from me which is another burden (a small one). This girl is great and I love her to death and I do not want to be without her. Is my problem with relationship or with China and no car, no house only apartment living, no freedom to start a business venture to keep my mind active and no walks in the woods when I want to. Oh the fishing suchs and no boat. I had three boats at home with one a sail boat, a house with fireplace and near woods. I had people calling me for advice and I was successful in business. Does anyone have an insight here? Bill

Jan 01, 2013 18:27 Report Abuse

jayboy886

MCELWEE......i sort of understand you, i came from the uk in june 2012, its the lack of friendship which makes everything else seem more challenging....... but at 59 that must be very stressful. Can i ask where in china are you? because if you are in a major city like Beijing,Guangzhou or Shenzhen there are thriving expat scenes.

Jan 14, 2013 13:56 Report Abuse

acmatias

Dear Katie, My name is Ana Catarina, I am from Portugal and just arrived in China on December 17th to work in a museum of a local private company that is willing to promote environmentak education for the future generations. I was invited due to my 12 years of work experience as teacher and museum curator in museums in Portugal, London, paris and Qatar. I have a ba in History/Arts and a master in museology. I could not foresee what would expect me and I am still in shock!!! After arriving and trying to brain wash me, I was submited to a psychological evaluation!! From that they discovered that I do not fit on the company's profile and just told me "many thanks for your time but you can leave now!!!" How amazing to discover that... guess what??? I am not chinese, I am european!! So it's very normal that my personal believes are not actually in accordance with the chinese believes and assumptions!! But, having work in such different environments, with different cultures and people, I understand that the most important thing the respect for others. I came for a job which was presented to me as a great professional experience and with a future ahead as I should be implementing an educational department for the cultural campus that the company is planning to organise. And after I am told that you don't fit in the company profile!!!! Where is the respect? Not just the respect for me as a person who left my house, my family before Christmas as they requested me to be here as soon as possible to start working; Also the respect for my professional experience and expertise. They actually wanted me here working for a bowl of rice!!!! Don't they realise that experience and expertise must be rewarded!!! They wanted me working for the "vision" for the greater good that is going to be created for the society!!!!!! Vision and greater good does not pay my house and my expenses!!! So, actually I am in shock, I am still digesting this disrespect for me as a person and as a professional. I've been using this website to look for a job as a teacher (History or language) and to apply to the adverts. Hopefully, this was just a bad way of ending 2012 and 2013 will be bright as the sunshine! May your hearts be open to receive the blessing that the Universe has in store for each and everyone of us! If someone, somehow knows how to help me to find a job, please email me or call me. catarina_matias@hotmail.com, 0086 182 298 909 94. With my whole heart, many thanks for your kind attention. Ana Catarina

Jan 01, 2013 17:47 Report Abuse

Jeaniacob

Hi Catarina, I am really sorry to see that your chance for better in China has so badly ended up. I really hope that that it will turn for the better, however. I don't understand when you are saying "trying to brain wash me, I was submitted to a psychological evaluation!" What did they try to do to you in order to feel you've been through a brain washing attempt. I know Portugal as may other European countries are in a very bad shape, economically and socially speaking. Are you planning to stay in China? What happens if you return to Portugal? Assuming you can find a teaching job, are you willing to give up on your high preparation only to become a language teacher whatsoever? Anyway, I would like to hear from you. Thanks.

Jan 01, 2013 23:18 Report Abuse

acmatias

hi, I would love to answer you, could you kindly send me an email to my personal address.

Jan 05, 2013 15:26 Report Abuse

DaqingDevil

It's interesting to read your opinion of taxi drivers but my dislike of them may also have something to do with my inability to chat with them in Chinese. The biggest life changing moment for me was coming to China but in this, my second year of teaching here, I have come to realise that my one man crusade to teach all the kids fluent English is not going to happen! Instead of waging a personal internal battle and agonising about how I can change things the truth is that some kids are just not interested and are attending classes because their parents push them into it. So my routine now consists of simply doing my best and hoping that what I teach rubs off and stays with most of the kids throughout their lives. On the romance side I have found that communication is more important than looks and the ability to speak to each other in the same language is going to get you a lot further with the opposite sex than the offer of a one night stand, particularly in a Province that still holds to old customs. All in all it has been a great adventure and it continues for at least another year. Thanks for sharing.

Jan 01, 2013 09:34 Report Abuse

mcelwee

Dear Devil, I like your outlook. I too struggle with wanting to make a change in the kids but some will not let you in. I am in Wuhan, where are you? send a message and if you are near we may get together.

Jan 01, 2013 17:57 Report Abuse