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Topic: news What’s in a Name? Foreigners in China with a Chinese Name

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willandjoy
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Our son is having a difficult time fitting in, or should I say, facing an IDENTITY BATTLE force upon him - making friends at a park or playground no problem, but, everywhere else we go, be it shopping, traveling or whatnot, he is virtually INTERROGATED dozens of times a day. If we ride the bus and I look around, no other Chinese kid is subjected to the kind of scrutiny he has to endure. He has to hear and bear all kinds of questions and comments, like: besides so-called normal ice-breakers like, How old are you? Can you speak Chinese? Do you go to kindergarten? Etc. Other more hurtful things go like, "You're not Chinese are you" (to which playground kids refuse to include him or share toys), or "hey, xiao-lao-wai" 小老外 (older people so rudely blurt out which he does need to be exposed to), or even wai-guo-lao 外国佬, etc. He started off as a proud American-Chinese - (He Chinese competency is virtually better than mine, while his English ability is also fluent native-level for his young age.) Yet, now almost rejects the idea that he is Chinese because of his everyday experiences. From 2 years old, attempting to go out from our own elevator apartment he was faced with local kids and grandparents making such an insulting and unfeeling remarks, 我们中国没有哪个! basically, "We don't have THAT in our country" - I defended that fact that my child, any child is not a 'na-ge' THAT, but a person (with feelings - as he used to want to cry when he finally was old enough to understand what they were implying - He's not one of them); and yes, despite his mixed heritage, he does exist and he is living here in China! Over the years we've moved about and lived in a couple more completely different provinces, and found it's basically the same for him. We won't put him in regular school, and choose to do home-schooling until he is fully school age and by then will probably leave to a developed and more open society! Since the age of three, he can count to ten in at least five different languages (thanks to a wind up toy in which I taught him to use those languages for each twist - Korean, Spanish, Japanese, and or course English and Chinese). He can already out speak most high school or even college English students (as I and his Chinese mom both teach, and frequently let him attend a class or too with us - from our kindergarten teaching to college level students that he is also used to). Many Chinese teachers underestimate him or fail to understand his English only because it turns out to be more advance than theirs; and when it comes to Chinese language, which is quite natural for him, he has differing ideas in points of view, or even uses quips many others fail to understand because his imagination and expressions base is so huge; so in turn they try to make it seem as if he has a problem due to THEIR lack of understanding! For example, perhaps an a-yi (auntie) hailing from the country side tries to befriend him and engage in conversation, they tend to shout loudly at him "HEL-LO", and although we try to teach him to be both polite and respectful, it's just a big turn-off for him, so he doesn't want to say anything at all. So their usual reaction lacking education, might be "Oh, he doesn't understand..." Yet, now, if he chooses, he has learned to make polite remarks to help the situation, be it an elder using an extremely loud voice to try to engage him in conversation, or asking people especially strangers not to touch his face when to happen to meet. He has to deal with lots of modern cultural differences, as we have set some living standards and habits (do's and don'ts to live by) for him to follow no matter in which part of the world we happen to live. For example, our neighbors small kids can roam freely between the buildings (out of eye-shot to play with all sorts of objects), and/or dash across to street to buy something, whereas our son is not allowed to cross without adult supervision although I want him to be confident to be able to do so, yet I do not wish to take unnecessary risks just to "follow the crowd". Just a week ago in a new city to work, we went out to eat at a restaurant we deemed to be a nice place. Yet, it completely took us off guard. A middle-aged woman, apparently the owner just stared at my son (who happens to be quite good-looking, very bright, and very articulate in both fluent English and Chinese; I was dressed in neat, casual business attire, having just completed some work-related activities... My son was dressed sharply too, knowing ahead of time we would be spending time out). My kid gleefully entered the restaurant first, and I right behind him just a couple of steps; and together waiting to be seated; we gaze over at an empty table. The owner/server only stared at him as if he/we had just landed from Mars as she was about to give change to another older couple already finished their lunch and proceeding to leave. And then in the coldest, harshest voice the service lady could muster she asked "What are you doing in here?" I, practicing my nicest speaking voice in Chinese stated 'we would like to have lunch - we are customers'. The lady sharply replied, "I don't see you as customers". And as I tried to ask 'Why not? What’s wrong?’ the other dining couple graciously stepped up in our favor an announced to the witch that her attitude was totally wrong and inappropriate. We should be treated simply as regular patrons. And, the woman kindly added, 'besides the kid is so cute!' I bravely added my child was born in China and should be treated as any other kid, even if a minority! But, I know I am a foreigner and I am used to being reminded and called "foreigner" in so many ways, however it's not humane to refer an innocent child as just some kind of "OUTSIDER"... He's going to grow up with some sort of complex; and I preached on in Chinese as we made our way out. Just down the street was another restaurant which turned out to be totally opposite - it was extremely friendly, welcoming and relaxing. They even presented my son some fresh flowers from the walkway entrance as we made long, pleasant conversation with the staff and other customers as we sat to relaxing, tasty meal for an extended period of time in our afternoon (trying to forget the previous, unwelcoming experience)!

Oct 24, 2014 01;52
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